Black Women of Brazil

The site dedicated to Brazilian women of African descent

The solitude of the black woman is not about being single…it’s about what is being imposed on us


Sobre a solidão da mulher negra

Note from BW of Brazil: Here at BW of Brazil we try to provide an understanding of the situation of black Brazilian women, stay on top of topics, news, events and conversations that deal with race. Some of these topics will be regular features because, well, they always seem to happen, they’re important and should be discussed. It’s true of the ongoing tragedy that is Brazil’s genocidal actions against young black men and adolescents (the latest being last week in Rio). It’s true of black invisibility in the media and numerous other facets of the society. It’s true of the different type of medical treatment black women receive during pregnancy. And it’s true on the topic of racism.  

I initiate today’s post with this intro because of a recent dialogue I witnessed between two people, one of which was a black male friend. In the discussion about an upcoming event, the  subject of the loneliness and solitude of black women came up, to which the guy said, “Oh, enough with this. This topic is played out!” Mind you, this guy has always dated black women and has a child with a black woman but he still felt compelled to express this thought.

I didn’t say anything but I thought to myself, no, it’s not played and the issue is not resolved. How can it be played when the problem continues and there seems to be no empathy about the topic? There is more at stake than simply what some have defined as “angry, black women/feminists”, but in fact a measure of the process of indoctrination in favor of whiteness, black identity and the very survival of the black race in Brazil. Which is the reason we will continue to hear what black women have to say on this topic. 

On the solitude of black woman

This text is about the solitude of black women.

By Albertina Camara Ribeiro via Guest Post for Portal Geledés

But not how you might be thinking…

It’s not about a woman without “man”, unable to conquer her “man”…

It’s about giving up… about the worst desistence of all: of dream.

Upon entering adolescence, and thinking about how it would be to have sex for the first time I had dreams…they were no big deal, simply, being with someone special, that would like and take care of me…well…I came to my eighteen years and not even a loving kiss had I earned… just a disgusting and hidden thing from a single time..

I already felt ready for my first relationship, so I changed strategy: I no longer expected for someone that someone would like me, respect and love me…if it was someone I trusted that wouldn’t go out saying to everybody what he did with me in bed that was good enough….and I got that. Only now I realize how much my desire for respect and discretion perfectly served the not so veiled prejudice of my “first lover”.

This was the first dream that prejudice robbed from me: the dream of having a first time with love, affection and respect….A lot has happened since that September 2002, when I lost my virginity…I fell, got up and I finally empowered myself…and I found myself saying phrases: “I will not get married”, “I will not have children”… again giving up…

When I realized I was again giving up, giving up something that was important to me, I did something I do very well: I prayed to my mother Oxum….immediately she came and made me realize that prejudice, racism, could take me from everything, make me I review my dreams, change my priorities… but they would not make me unhappy, bitter, unless I let them. And I decided not to let them. That racism will not take from me: my cheerful, fun and loving essence.

The theme of the solitude of black woman goes beyond the black man who thinks he is a victim and attacked by us….beyond the white woman married to a black man who feels assaulted by us…no, definitely not about you guys…it’s about us, and our dreams that will remain on the path of racial prejudice, being passed over, and celibacy that is imposed on us…

Throughout history, whenever blacks rose and complained, they were accused of being violent…vitimista (playing the victim)…. this is happening now …it’s a lack of empathy, especially the so-called women feminist and the so-called African-centered men that make me believe less and less in a better future for the daughter that I will not have…

The solitude of the black woman is not about being single…it’s about what is imposed on us very hard: being strong as the only option, raising children alone, or not having them, not by my choice, but out of showing itself as the only option…

You, white woman, this is not for you or about you…

You white man… well, much less…

You, black man that’s a little bit about you…about not being able to see the beauty of black women…of accusing us of hysteria and craziness…and placing yourself as the protagonist of a victimhood that is not even on the agenda.

The solitude of the black woman, “irmão de cor’’ (brother of color)”, it’s about the loneliness of your mother, sisters, daughters …and about the world that we, those that you accuse of being crazy and vitimistas, we are trying to construct for the daughters that you may have, and we, often times don’t..

Aaaahhh…irmã negra (black sister) who lives in a happy relationship…how good…congratulations… continue being happy, only don’t belittle the pain of us all…;)

Source: Portal Geledés

One comment on “The solitude of the black woman is not about being single…it’s about what is being imposed on us

  1. Pingback: Dear White People, unapologetically black (English version) – Urso de Lata

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