“Many of us forget that black men & black women can & should love each other”: Comedian Tia Má reflects on the color of love and state of black relationships

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Note from BW of BrazilAs I’ve already mentioned in a previous post, the recent reaction of fans to learning that popular rapper Karol Conka was dating one of the white musicians in her band has provoked the strongest reaction to interracial relationships and the so-called phenomenon of “palmitagem” (blacks choosing whites for romantic partners) than any other time when the topic has come up. And this debate has been intense for a number of years since many black women begin speaking publicly on the “solidão da mulher negra“, or the ‘loneliness/solitude of the black woman’ and frustration of being consistently passed over by men, particularly black men, when the time comes to consider a long-term relationship.

Since the Conka story broke early last week, besides the thousands of comments posted in the social networks, well-known rappers such as MC Carol and Rico Dalasam have shared their opinions on a subject that continues to divide the black community. There are those who blame homens negros (black men) for contributing to the loneliness of mulheres negras (black women) because they have “abandoned” them in pursuit of the “prized” mulheres brancas (white women). Then there are those who respond that black women have only begun dating homens brancos (white men) because they got tired of waiting for their black prince. And still others say that black men don’t want anything serious beyond a “quickie” but is then ready to dive into a relationship with the first white girl that comes along.

For me, one of the most important aspects of this whole debate is a historical context in which Brazil openly stated its desire to eliminate its black population through successive relationships with white partners. Whereas previously the debate was previously a mud slinging match between black men and black women, increasingly, people are beginning to analyze the long-term effects of interracial unions on the black population. I am a firm believer in the idea that, no matter how many black folks manage to attain a college education, build successful businesses and attain some degree of wealth, NONE of this even matters if black folks, i.e., black men AND black women don’t get together, get married, have black children and pass on their knowledge and wealth to the next generation.

Simply put, as much as black people like to celebrate the success of this black man or that black woman, what will it matter if two generations from now, all of their descendants are white or something close to white? In many Brazilian families today, one would never know that there were black people in these families just 2-4 generations before.

Comedian Tia Má is the latest to share her opinion of the Conka situation. In the following piece, she delves into her own experiences with men of the Caucasian persuasion, the issue of single black women, racialized sexual stereotypes and an important message that black men and women would do well to remember.

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Why are black women judged for dating white men? (Photo: Rapper Karol Conka, left, actress Erika Januza, right, with their new loves) 

Comedian Tia Ma reflects on the solitude of black women after accusations of rapper Karol Conka “selling out” for dating a white man

By Maíra Azevedo (@tiamaoficial)

Whenever an interracial relationship is announced the discussion about ‘palmitagem’ returns to being a hot topic and takes over social networks. The latest controversy was about singer Karol Conka and her boyfriend, musician Thiago Barromeo. The debate was posted, entered the top trend of the most commented subjects and no one understood why.

Some people still wonder what ‘palmitagem’ is. I define it as the perverse art of neglecting a black person by privileging a relationship with a white person. The point is that black women, who are the base of the economic pyramid, in the affective aspect don’t even score on the scale of the relationships.

Besides that, I’d like to ask some questions. What would the color of love be?

Solidão da mulher negra (Loneliness of the black woman)

Is love for all people? Can we enter relationships with anyone we want, or rather to anyone who wants to relate to us as well? I could even say that love is free, but we know that some figures pass by without knowing and experiencing the sensations of this expression!

That said, let’s problematize the expression “o amor não tem cor” (love has no color). Is it true?

Love has always had color. O amor é branco (love is white). And we have to talk about it. In literature, in the cinema, on television. The great love stories are white. And we, sort of by osmosis, learned that. The enchanted prince was always Nordic, the princess who needed and deserved to be saved had to be fair-skinned. And this equation of Caucasian affection resulted in the solidão da mulher negra.

Those that are overlooked by all but are the target of the fetish. They want to fornicate with the black woman, but not hold hands, never assume the relationship. Dark-skinned women are hungry for affection. Many live on love crumbs, and when they get the invitation to the fairy tale, they can’t say no. You can’t tell the hungry that you should reject food

When I start the text saying that love is white, it is precisely to say that what permeates our imagination is the Caucasian heartthrob prince, the fair-skinned young woman. And we black women and men also want to have our love stories as inspiring and beautiful as those of the fairy tales.

So maybe some of us, subjectively, may make the choice, to have the white person at our side to have a beautiful story to tell. Yes, we can fall in love with anyone of any race… but it’s too painful that the affective account doesn’t close for black women.

So I don’t judge, much less condemn the black woman that relates to white men. This choice may be the result of successive negatives. But, this is a distant reality from mine. I have never had an interracial relationship. Which doesn’t mean I never went to bed with a white man, but none of them ended up being my partner. They wanted to experience the fetish of having sex with the broad-hipped black woman and be able to be the kind of guy who rejects nothing, who “even gets the black women”. And after feeling bad about all the ‘hide and seek’ I experienced with white men, I decided that I would no longer lie down with one of them.

But I also experienced the pain of being forgotten by a black man. Whoever got with me, made promises to me, spoke of my beauty and days later assumed the relationship with a girl lighter-skinned than me, until he managed to get to the mina branca (white girl). Because for many people, that’s what matters. More than experiencing a love story, it’s having someone with whom to call love within the standards. I respect all forms of love, but I don’t admit that black women have only as a rule the company of loneliness. No black woman should live the pain of being neglected for not having cara da Bela Adormecida (Sleeping Beauty’s face). But if it was to live beside the pseudo prince of enchantment, let him not cast stones at them, and at those that have the same face as his own.

My only pain is realizing that many of us forget that black men and black women can and should love each other.

About the author: Journalist and humorist, Maíra Azevedo is known for the direct love advice she gives on TV Globo’s program Encontro com Fátima Bernardes.

Source: Yahoo Vida e Estilo 

 

About Marques Travae 3147 Articles
Marques Travae. For more on the creator and editor of BLACK WOMEN OF BRAZIL, see the interview here.

1 Comment

  1. I agree black man and woman should love one another. On the flip side of that it appears to be some kind of disdain for one another.

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